I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
