you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
