this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
