so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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