I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
