the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
