Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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