By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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