he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
