I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
