the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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