I just saw a hot homeless man
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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