This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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