Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
