the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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