hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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