I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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