that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
there is glitter all over my balls
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
