Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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