Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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