That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
