My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i love accidental penises.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
