why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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