Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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