he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
