I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
