there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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