Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Actions speak louder than pants.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
