Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
