Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
