He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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