You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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