Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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