Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Randomize
