just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is Oprah even human
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
