I hope mine doesn't look like that
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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