I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
