shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
even my farts smell like vagina
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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