addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
