First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
