Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
