bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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