I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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