Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
