Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
