I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm passing your future prison.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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