She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
