I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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