My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
