I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sober January is a disaster.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
