"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
