I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
