Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
