Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
