I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Randomize
