i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
