Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
