I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
