its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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