Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
