As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
