He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
