if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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