I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
and she was petting her beer can
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
