No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
