why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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