i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
