I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
