i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
