me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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