I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
