He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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