she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
