She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
