I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
