Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Never underestimate the power of titties
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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