i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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