I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
