you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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