I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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