I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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