I wish my penis had an off switch
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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