I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
