after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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