I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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