At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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