But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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