Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
