guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize