I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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