How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
