Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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