Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize