Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
