So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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