this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
