She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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